On Monday I took the Front Runner train and a bus to get back to my Provo apartment from a trip that I had made to Salt Lake City. Normally, I don't associate with others on the bus. That is my wrong, I know. There are just a lot of "crazies" on the bus system that I would rather avoid and so I distract myself with games on my phone. At one stop, a person in a wheelchair got on. The bus driver locked her into her spot and called her "Jennifer". At one point, she had trouble communicating and the people behind her realized that there was a problem. She was flipping out over something and they didn't know what the problem was but it was obviously important to her. At this point, someone had just engaged in conversation with me and asked my name. I told him but something said to me "armrest" and I noticed that Jennifer's wheelchair's armrest wasn't where it was supposed to be. It was flipped back and she didn't like that at all. I jumped up and fixed it and sat down, hoping to get out of the conversation that I was in and any future conversations by going back to my phone. However, helping her out made her very happy. She said "Thank you, Haley!" She had overheard me say my name earlier. Those simple words really touched me. She was genuinely thankful and had cared enough to know my name. I put my phone in my pocket and scooted closer to her and we talked for the next ten minutes. She was a very happy person and it made my night to be able to talk to her. I found her to be very intelligent and friendly. She asked how long I had been at BYU and when I said "5 years" she got excited and asked if I had served a mission. To me, this experience was a lesson to me about showing interest in other people and about engaging with those that you normally wouldn't. I definitely have nothing against people with special needs. I would have totally engaged with her at school or the store but I normally don't engage with anyone on the bus. In the little bit that I got to spend with her, I remembered what it felt like to serve others; I learned about friendship; and I learned about the importance of "opening our mouths" with anyone and anywhere. I am very thankful for the opportunity that I had to engage with Jennifer and to learn those lessons again.
ReDiscovery
Hey there! I'm Hales. I returned from my Mormon Mission in late August 2014. Within hours I had a new apartment and days later I was back at BYU. I have found that I am different. I've grown up some. I find that my interests have changed and the way that I handle life is probably a tad bit more mature. I want to spend the next while getting to know myself again. Here, I will analyze where I've come from, where I'm at, and where I'm going. Welcome to my self-rediscovery!
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Feeding My Starving Soul
In life, we all come to this point where our soul is lost. This is not a permanent matter, but it happens, that's a fact. We may not completely realize it. We becoming immune to it's cravings for certain things that it feeds off of either intellectually or spiritually. We start searching out our lives. For me, it has been a lot like cleaning out a closet--throwing things away and adding to the collection.
Since coming home from my LDS mission, I have experienced this with all aspects of my life. I have moved on from some friends but I have fortified my relationships with other friends as well. I have thrown out my skateboard (a very awesome short board--bigger than a skateboard but smaller than a long bard but capable of both tricks and speed. It was in the shape of Homer Simpson's head). I have become disinterested with the hobbies of my past. I am constantly searching for what makes me happy. By this, I mean, "what do I like to do?" The only real thing that I used to like that remains still a part of me is that I like to go out for sushi with friends. I have even become disinterested in my video games and I haven't done any of the cooking that I used to really enjoy doing.
One thing that is new about me though that wasn't one of my attributes before my mission is that now my main hobby is fortifying my relationships with my friends, seeking out my true friends, and being a true friend. Really, I am "cool" with doing anything as long as it serves those three purposes. If it means that I have to get out of my shell, that is a risk that I am more than willing to take. However, I am very very limited in doing this as my life revolves around school.
Other than these friendships, I have found myself still lost. This semester I have been sort of like a robot--quite lifeless--only taking breaks from my rigorous routine when I absolutely need to. I run my days with precision. I wake up at 3:30am and continue with work, school, and studies until as late as 12:30am most days. I mentally get lost in my piles of homework and mindless state of constantly being tired. I mostly don't sleep because of my studies but even when I have time to sleep I get anxious, thinking that I just need to keep on going.
Recently, I have realized just how lost I have become because of the situation that I am in. It has affected me a lot. Yes, I am doing really well in school but I'm not completely happy. I'm starved in multiple ways. I haven't given myself the spiritual feeding that I know that I really ought to. I do it here and there with scripture readings and prayer but I know that it's not enough. My problem is that I will start studying my scriptures and get really anxious about not studying for school or that it takes time away from whatever project that I could be working on. This is a new part of me that I have never experienced before. Before my mission, school was my last priority. I skipped classes whenever I was depressed. I didn't care. I didn't study because I would have rather spent time with my best friends. Now, I am quite the opposite.
I realize that too much of anything is bad. You can look into my eyes and see how tired I am but my grades show that it was worth it. However, in the end, my academic success isn't going to give me happiness. It is just a pile of work after all, up for the judgement of professors who really don't take you and your efforts into full account. To them, it's all about production--what you have to show for it. Ten years from now, what they had to say and the grades that they give you aren't going to matter as much as the person that you have become. I realize that focusing more on spirituality will be far more beneficial to me in ten years than thrashing my brain out with school.
I have, therefore, decided to begin focusing my life towards spirituality. It is still an anxious concept for me to handle and it's going to take a lot of work. Today, I was walking through the BYU bookstore in search of material for one of my classes. I got lost and ended up taking a detour through the LDS section. I came across two books that I really think are going to help me out. They are "The Continuous Conversion" by Brad Wilcox and "Achieving Your Life Mission" by Randal A. Wright. I felt impressed that these two books are going to be essential in helping me through the spiritual rut that I find myself in currently. Another book that I have been reading from time to time is "Consider the Blessings" by Thomas S. Monson. Wilcox's book is about maintaining and fortifying conversion--continual progression. Wright's book connects personally to be in that I feel like it will help me keep close to the lessons that I learned on my mission. Monson's book is wonderful. It is full of short stories from his life that are really inspiring. I try to read one a day and even on those days where I am "dead" it helps me see the light; it helps me to recognize the blessings around me.
My personal quest: Focus more on feeding my soul. No more starving it out.
Since coming home from my LDS mission, I have experienced this with all aspects of my life. I have moved on from some friends but I have fortified my relationships with other friends as well. I have thrown out my skateboard (a very awesome short board--bigger than a skateboard but smaller than a long bard but capable of both tricks and speed. It was in the shape of Homer Simpson's head). I have become disinterested with the hobbies of my past. I am constantly searching for what makes me happy. By this, I mean, "what do I like to do?" The only real thing that I used to like that remains still a part of me is that I like to go out for sushi with friends. I have even become disinterested in my video games and I haven't done any of the cooking that I used to really enjoy doing.
One thing that is new about me though that wasn't one of my attributes before my mission is that now my main hobby is fortifying my relationships with my friends, seeking out my true friends, and being a true friend. Really, I am "cool" with doing anything as long as it serves those three purposes. If it means that I have to get out of my shell, that is a risk that I am more than willing to take. However, I am very very limited in doing this as my life revolves around school.
Other than these friendships, I have found myself still lost. This semester I have been sort of like a robot--quite lifeless--only taking breaks from my rigorous routine when I absolutely need to. I run my days with precision. I wake up at 3:30am and continue with work, school, and studies until as late as 12:30am most days. I mentally get lost in my piles of homework and mindless state of constantly being tired. I mostly don't sleep because of my studies but even when I have time to sleep I get anxious, thinking that I just need to keep on going.
Recently, I have realized just how lost I have become because of the situation that I am in. It has affected me a lot. Yes, I am doing really well in school but I'm not completely happy. I'm starved in multiple ways. I haven't given myself the spiritual feeding that I know that I really ought to. I do it here and there with scripture readings and prayer but I know that it's not enough. My problem is that I will start studying my scriptures and get really anxious about not studying for school or that it takes time away from whatever project that I could be working on. This is a new part of me that I have never experienced before. Before my mission, school was my last priority. I skipped classes whenever I was depressed. I didn't care. I didn't study because I would have rather spent time with my best friends. Now, I am quite the opposite.
I realize that too much of anything is bad. You can look into my eyes and see how tired I am but my grades show that it was worth it. However, in the end, my academic success isn't going to give me happiness. It is just a pile of work after all, up for the judgement of professors who really don't take you and your efforts into full account. To them, it's all about production--what you have to show for it. Ten years from now, what they had to say and the grades that they give you aren't going to matter as much as the person that you have become. I realize that focusing more on spirituality will be far more beneficial to me in ten years than thrashing my brain out with school.
I have, therefore, decided to begin focusing my life towards spirituality. It is still an anxious concept for me to handle and it's going to take a lot of work. Today, I was walking through the BYU bookstore in search of material for one of my classes. I got lost and ended up taking a detour through the LDS section. I came across two books that I really think are going to help me out. They are "The Continuous Conversion" by Brad Wilcox and "Achieving Your Life Mission" by Randal A. Wright. I felt impressed that these two books are going to be essential in helping me through the spiritual rut that I find myself in currently. Another book that I have been reading from time to time is "Consider the Blessings" by Thomas S. Monson. Wilcox's book is about maintaining and fortifying conversion--continual progression. Wright's book connects personally to be in that I feel like it will help me keep close to the lessons that I learned on my mission. Monson's book is wonderful. It is full of short stories from his life that are really inspiring. I try to read one a day and even on those days where I am "dead" it helps me see the light; it helps me to recognize the blessings around me.
My personal quest: Focus more on feeding my soul. No more starving it out.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
President Monson's Challenge: The ABC's Quest
If any of you are up to date on our beloved Prophet's Facebook (yes, he is cool enough to have a Facebook!) then you know about the challenge that he has given to us--to seek more abundance in life. Abundance in things that will do us good. He has shared his 3 ABC's with us:
A=Attitude; B=Believe; C=Courage
Also, he has encouraged us to come up with our own ABC's and to work on them this coming 2015 year. Thus, I have created my own ABCs and have shared them on my other blog. Believe me, I had a fun time figuring out what to work on for letters X-Z! Please see my other blog to learn more about my commitment to the Prophets alphabet challenge and how I plan on achieving such abundance. Hopefully, it will encourage you to create your own abundance alphabet to work on this coming year. Our prophet loves us and he wants the best for us! This is an amazing challenge! I have faith that if we take ourselves on this quest that President Monson has challenged us to do that we can only receive great blessings.
The Easy Way of Getting Active Again
It's an awesome time of year. We are all about to enter into a whole new year with many possibilities. For everyone who is striving to gain something more spiritual in their lives or who is looking towards becoming more active in the church, please see my other blog.
On this blog, I have come up with a month-by-month plan of how to do that. It is not a "cold turkey" or a fast track way. It is the "easy way" or the "slow way". Because sometimes when you run too fast at first, you crash. I am not saying that you shouldn't give it all you can, but for some people that I know and have come across it's a bit much to just be expected to do all the things that "life Mormons" have done all their lives all at once.
Also, in the end (month December) I talk about a Christmas tradition of my family's which is to do a nativity reenactment. However, I will post the picture exclusively right here:
On this blog, I have come up with a month-by-month plan of how to do that. It is not a "cold turkey" or a fast track way. It is the "easy way" or the "slow way". Because sometimes when you run too fast at first, you crash. I am not saying that you shouldn't give it all you can, but for some people that I know and have come across it's a bit much to just be expected to do all the things that "life Mormons" have done all their lives all at once.
Also, in the end (month December) I talk about a Christmas tradition of my family's which is to do a nativity reenactment. However, I will post the picture exclusively right here:
(Christmas Eve 2014)
I have really long hair and thus my littlest sister enjoys pulling it together to form a beard. My dad called it my Duck Dynasty beard!
Monday, November 24, 2014
Final Quarter: Norman x2
The last round of a mission is always the saddest and the most fun. It's sad because you begin to realize that that you're about to leave the life that you've known for over a year or so. In my last area, I found myself thrown to the wolves. I got sent back to Norman and given a bike area (as a sister!). I was opening that area for sisters and training as well.
After wondering whether or not I would end up killing my future trainee, I got pretty excited about the opportunity and went into preperation mode. I made cheat sheets for my would be "baby". Training was a great learning experience! I learned patience, how to be continuously happy, and how to stay positive despite my circumstances (for example: I learned to loving biking hills in the 105 degree weather with 90% humidity).
We had some of the coolest Zone Leaders ever to work with! We shared the ward with them and, of course, I had my "I hate elders" days (but honestly what sister doesn't?) but they were always giving us laughs. That really helped out my companion whenever things were rough for her.
My companion was pretty dang awesome! I really admire her ability to just be happy, to laugh things off, and to get along with everybody. She was my greatest asset when it came to working with the youth. She became the best friend of the young women and of the primary kids.
Saying goodbye to Norman was tough. It was my home for half my mission. I learned to love the color red (a huge feat for a BYU gal like me). I made so many friends and there was just an awesome feeling to the town. The moment that I arrived back there, I could feel it. It is my home away from home. I love the OU stadium, the OU insignia being everywhere, biking or driving up and down Lindsey street (the main street), and seeing the Oklahoma sky above me. I think that I will always consider that town my second home.
I loved working with the people there. Work-wise, we were in a drought but it gave us the opportunity to really concentrate on those that we were there to work with. This is one of the main families that we were able to work with. They were recent converts and we were able to see the youngest of them baptized as well. It was amazing getting to see them progress and to start coming to church again.
One of the really cool privileges that I had was going on exchanges in the Noble Ward. I did that plenty while I had a Sister Training Leader companion during my last round in Norman. This time, though, I was able to go to Lexington (Noble Ward area) and see my best friend's grandparents several times. That was legit! It really meant a lot to me that I was able to do that!
I will never forget the many people that I came in contact with in this town. I will never forget the love that was showed to us missionaries. I will never forget the hospitality and the lessons that members taught us. In this picture, I am arm wrestling Brother Swaim or, as I call him, "Grandpa Swaim". I swear he fed us 3-4 times during my last week. That man sure took care of us as did many others. The Norman 1st Ward was an amazing ward to serve in!
My favorite part of working this area was working with our Zone Leaders and our District Leader. Well, we never really saw much of our DL because he was in a different ward than the ZLs and us. However, they were all awesome. Shaving cream slip-n-slide Zone P-days. Doorstep conversations. Stopping at the Asian market on the way home from the doctors. And acting childish in any and every way possible. Gotta love elders!
I had the opportunity to go back up to Stillwater for a baptism. Five of my previous companions were there. It was awesome getting caught up with everybody from the Spanish group and my old district and everybody. The kids were excited to see me, but they were upset that they hadn't grown taller than me in the mere weeks that I had been gone.
So that is that. That is my last moments in the mission. I loved it so darn much that I cried my first 3 weeks back. Going to Oklahoma, I felt like I was going to a strange land. I had never been east of the Wasatch Front of Utah. I had never been so restricted and so limited in terms of rules. However, it had to be one of the most liberating experiences of my life. It allowed me to forgive my past entirely. It allowed me to open up my heart and to love strangers. It allowed me to see life in a way that I had always limited myself from being able to. Thank you, Oklahoma. Thank you for all that you gave me. So, yes, I went into a land of strangers and I learned to love it. However, coming back home I felt the same way as I did going to Oklahoma. My heart denied that I was going home. I felt like I was going to a strange land. Oklahoma will always have a piece of my heart, but I am sure that any missionary would say that about where they are going.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Stilly (Part 2)
In this post, I will simply post Part 2 of Stilly. Please see Part 1 for any additional information about my time as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (aka the Mormons) in Stillwater, Oklahoma--home of the OSU Cowboys.
Goodbye, for now :)
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Stilly Time (Part 1)
Warning: Prepare for a picture fest!
Stillwater Oklahoma is the home of the OSU Cowboys: a ride into town and you think that they celebrate Halloween all year round. However, don't be fooled. They are very proud of their orange and black colors. If you haven't figured it out yet, Oklahoma is about football and Stillwater is home to another great football team. I had the privilege to serve there for a period of 3 transfers (19 weeks): One ward, two areas, and two languages. At first, I struggled. My companion was from Puerto Rico and I hated taking driving directions in Spanish. It took me about a week to figure out that "derecho" meant "forward" and that "derecha" meant "right". It was a difficult start and somewhat a slap to the face at first. I mean, my first area there (Spanish) we had 40 people to teach and 13 of them committed to baptism when I got there. There was so much to do and nothing was organized (at least by my OCD standards). Eventually we dropped a ton to focus more on the "golden" investigators. Often we would drop 8 one day and pick up a bunch the next day. It was the only area that I ever had where people would pray for us to find and I would dread the stress that that answered prayer would give. We were thankful for the work. It kept us from tracting and if we ever really wanted to tract we would have to schedule that two weeks ahead of time but we would normally have to cancel on that plan to fit in emergency appointments and such.
Pictures from part 1 in "Stilly"
This was my first view of Stillwater pretty much. The area had a ton of trailer parks there and this happened to be in one of them.
My companion was thrilled when we ran into some people from her beloved home of Puerto Rico. They let us talk to them and gave us some of Puerto Rico's version of tamales. My companion called them "pasteles" which is completely different from Mexican "pasteles". It is basically a meat thing rapped in banana leaf. It was new to me and pretty good.
As missionaries, we don't get to go home for holidays. There is no such thing as a weekend or a vacation. It's a 24/7 job. It is what we eat, drink, and breathe. We only call home twice a year, but we do get to write home once a week. Often, members and nonmembers would take pity and reach out to us. They wanted to make sure that we had some holiday tradition to make the time easier. In this case, a couple in the ward invited us over for Christmas Eve. We sang songs, ate food, and played a Christmas game. We really enjoyed that!
On New Years Eve a family that we were teaching knew that I have a deep love for Mexican pozole and so they made it for us. That has to be one of my favorite meals of all time and I had the opportunity to eat it multiple times. It is a very time-consuming dish to make and when made authentically it takes hours to prepare and to cook. The love and the sacrifice that our friends in Oklahoma gave us to feed us (not just talking about this meal but all meals in general) is something that I will always be thankful for.
The best New Years present ever! My second trainer who had gone home months previously came back to visit! I got to spend a short time with her and she came to sports on New Years day.
This is a meal from a restaurant. It is my least favorite meal of all Hispanic foods. I did not know that beforehand, however. It is called "7 Mares". It is basically 7 types of seafood in a soup. It has squid, crab, shrimp, baby octopus, and tons of other stuff. Either I am not really into seafood (before this I thought I was) or it was just not a good dish.
Yes, that is our house that we lived in. Yes, that is me holding a puppy that my Sister Training Leaders (the sisters who shared the house with us) let into the place. Yes, that is me holding the white handbook (rule book for missionaries) to page 46 where it says "Do not keep pets of any kind".
A big part of being a missionary is eating. A big part of being a missionary in Oklahoma is eating out. Here, our district and the Assistants to the President are eating at Bad Brads. Most of us got what is called "Dirty Fries" which is basically cheesey fries with a type of meat (I got mine with hot links) and a special barbecue sauce.
My favorite restaurant in Oklahoma is Fuzzy's Tacos. I got introduced to it in Norman and once I found out that Stilly had one too, I had to convince my fellow missionaries to go. On this occasion, my companion and I went on a day that one of the people we were teaching was working. I ordered one of their specialty nachos and it came out to me tripple-sized. He really appreciated that we came to support him. I really enjoyed eating this but I definitely could not eat it all at one sitting.
Oklahoma is the fast food capitol in the world and Sonic is a big thing there. There is one on nearly every corner. Oklahoma invented the place. Sonic is pretty much the thing for missionaries in the summer--half-price shakes after 8 and slushies of a zillion flavors with discounts during "Happy Hour". The best! (It is also the cure to heat exhaustion which you will face if you ride your bike during the 105 degree weather and 90% humidity).
The members were amazing to me. Here, I am sitting with one of the members who I got to see often. She always fed me something. She knew my second favorite Mexican dish--chicken mole (Mole-lay) and I had it often at her place. She also knew that I really enjoyed caffeine (yes, Mormons can drink caffeine--don't talk religious politics to me). They made a game of making sure they had "coka" for me every time I was around. There would be a giant red box of "coka" by the fridge or they would bring a huge cooler of it to church events.
"Pan Dulce" is a Mexican bread with frosting on it. This type of "pan dulce" was different. It was huge and covered with a thick layer of butter and sugar. It was quite good!
Stillwater Oklahoma is the home of the OSU Cowboys: a ride into town and you think that they celebrate Halloween all year round. However, don't be fooled. They are very proud of their orange and black colors. If you haven't figured it out yet, Oklahoma is about football and Stillwater is home to another great football team. I had the privilege to serve there for a period of 3 transfers (19 weeks): One ward, two areas, and two languages. At first, I struggled. My companion was from Puerto Rico and I hated taking driving directions in Spanish. It took me about a week to figure out that "derecho" meant "forward" and that "derecha" meant "right". It was a difficult start and somewhat a slap to the face at first. I mean, my first area there (Spanish) we had 40 people to teach and 13 of them committed to baptism when I got there. There was so much to do and nothing was organized (at least by my OCD standards). Eventually we dropped a ton to focus more on the "golden" investigators. Often we would drop 8 one day and pick up a bunch the next day. It was the only area that I ever had where people would pray for us to find and I would dread the stress that that answered prayer would give. We were thankful for the work. It kept us from tracting and if we ever really wanted to tract we would have to schedule that two weeks ahead of time but we would normally have to cancel on that plan to fit in emergency appointments and such.
Pictures from part 1 in "Stilly"
Ciao!
(Wait! There is a Part 2!)
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